Holy schmoly. I feel like I have been trying to write a blog post for months now - ohh wait, I actually have! Every time I sit down I am either too tired to write and my brain is just not working or I get interrupted by a certain tiny cute human. This parenting thing is NO JOKE.
I think in general, we are highly misinformed when it comes to what to expect when you have a baby. Personally speaking I also have never been around babies much nor have many friends that have kids. I heard general things like - you will never sleep again, say goodbye to your social life, your life is going to take on a whole new meaning, etc, etc. And I think until you have actually lived it you take all of these statements with a grain of salt. You give them a half listen. But when you literally haven't slept for more than a few hours straight in four months you realize - FUCK, I LITERALLY WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN. Yet somehow when you wake up in the morning to a little person in footy PJ's smiling at you it's all worth it. Even if you can barely see them because you are so tired your eyes are like pee holes in the sand. The only thing I can think of is that babies have some kind of magic witching power because these little buggers are hard frickin work. Yet you love the crap out of them and don't ever want to be away from them.
I'm sure not everyone's experience is like this. I hear stories of babies practically sleeping through the night at a few months old. Not my baby. Oh hellllll naw. I have what I believe these new age parenting books are called a "high needs baby". She's super attached to me, very sensitive, extremely curious and easily overstimulated. Which translates into a whole lot of work and not a lot of sleep. But she's a lot of fun :) And has personality for days. I wouldn't change a single thing about her (ok well maybe the sleep thing we could tweak just a bit). Her newest thing is fake laughing. Like at everything. Every page of every book I read her, any time we drive anywhere, anything really. She especially likes to perfect it at about 1am. The first few nights my husband and I had to suppress our giggles because it's really cute and pretty entertaining. Now I think we are just like WTF....why are you awake again at 1am yet again? We have to ignore her or it eggs her on..she loves the attention. She also has really mastered her hands and loves to put anything and everything in her mouth. One of of her favorite games is taking the sunglasses off of my face - it's pretty cute because it requires a lot of determination on her part and she's so proud of herself when she does it.
I could go on and on about her little quirks and newest skills but I'm pretty sure I'm being one of those annoying moms telling lame ass stories about their kids that no one really cares about. So I will refrain. But I will say one ore thing - as exhausted as I am I feel like the time is slipping away. Zaiya used to be so small and now she's almost double her birth weight! Her baby hands and feet are getting bigger. She is changing so fast. And I just want to stop the hands of time and keep her how she is because she's so precious. I don't want her to grow up and yet I'm excited for all the new experiences to come. It's a funny thing. Bittersweet. I guess that's just life. I'm going to try to soak up every moment with her right now -the way she curls into me when she's nursing, how she likes to sleep with her feet touching me and the baby smell of the top of her head. And I"m going to take lots and lots of pictures. I don't want to ever forget any little detail.
Today Zaiya is 4 months old. It's been both the most challenging and most amazing four months of my life. Happy birthday baby. You are so loved.